And so to the Etape du Dales

2010 is the third consecutive year I have ridden this Sportive, and it still ranks among the hardest rides I've ever done. Granted, I've not done the Fred Whitton (yet), and I know that will be right up there, but my top three currently are:

The North Cornwall Tor
Tour of the Black Mountains
Etape du Dales

Notice that the 2008 Etape du Tour doesn't make my top three. These three sportives really are that hard.

2008, in training for the Etape du Tour, I 'left it all on the road' in fairly benign conditions and did a 8:30:13. Last year, in awful wind and rain, on a heavier bike, I embarrassed myself with a 10:59:57. My target for this year was back to 9 hours, a fairly tall order given that I'm currently about 8 kilos heavier than 2008.

Still, I had my times from 2008 as a crib sheet, so off I went. Grey and windy, the first rolling section didn't seem to roll well at all and by the time I reached the first proper pitch of Fleets Moss an hour had passed. 2 minutes down already. As my breath deserted me a voice said "Hello again" and Karen Popplewell breezed past (or as close to breezing as you can come on a 16% pitch). I had sufficient breath for a wheezed "Hello, Goodbye" and she was as gone into the distance as Brett had already done ten minutes before. By the top of Fleets Moss, the deficit had grown to 5 minutes, and the potential 50mph plummet was looming.

As I hit the steepest slope, brain instructed hands to loose the brakes. Hands refused. Steadfastly. I finally sort of released them and got up onto the hoods some 400 metres lower down, not exceeding 40mph. I found out later that Brett had a much more 'interesting' time. He overtook a guy in Mammoth Cycles kit who'd parked next to us at the start. This guy was doing 50, Brett left him for dead but had no speedo to know exactly how fast. He didn't want to know. Suddenly, all hell broke loose, and his bike tried to violently throw him off. He finally came to a halt many yards further on, and the other guy stopped to make sure he was OK, having been shocked by Bretts near death experience. Perhaps next time he's cleaning his bike the numpty will do the front quick release up properly? Either that or set a record for the fastest speed ever set on a unicycle.

By Hawes, I was re-settled and oblivious to Bretts experience, and still only 5 minutes down. A grab and go at the control gained a little time before Buttertubs lost me some more. An ambulance showing it's blues 'n' twos was coming the other way carrying a cargo of cyclist. Hopefully OK. By the bottom of the Buttertubs descent, the deficit was 10 minutes but the marshall proclaimed "Tailwind and Sunshine. Life is perfect" and indeed it was. By the turn for Low Row, deficit was 1 minute, a mark maintained up the climb which was the scene of last years first walk.

At the ford, I was still only a minute down, but this was somewhat spoiled by falling off in the ford. Apparently this happens to someone every year. This year it was me. The front wheel went away, and I fell off in instalments, at least getting a foot loose to avoid the water. Straight back on, and on to Arkengarthdale, making the turn to Tan Hill just 2 minutes behind 2008.

And that's where the good news ends. The next 32km to the turn in Nateby were into the wind and brutal. By the time I reached Nateby, I was 55 minutes down and outside 9 hour pace. At least I managed to descend the whole of Lamps Moss (on the hoods) without bottling so badly I had to stop to recompose myself (and that's a first).

By now the little voice in the back of my mind was telling me that I was useless, and should give up at the Moorcock Inn if I was close to the cutoff. I even asked, but I was 90 minutes inside it. Best to carry on then. On to the infamous Coal Road, it's 1 in 4 ascent, and similar descent where I exited over the handlebars on the 2008 White Rose Classic. I don't really like this hill. Consequently, I found myself pushing round the first bend. I will admit I didn't really even try. My bad. The view over to Sedbergh and the Lakeland Fells beyond was superb, and the descent tolerable, especially given that the worst bits have been resurfaced since last year. I lived through it and gelled up along the next bit of road ready for Newby Head.

It didn't disappoint, and I found myself walking again under the viaduct, but only very briefly. The next stretch to Stainforth was a blast. Cranking up the power with the wind slightly helping and absolutely flying along. I hit my fastest time of the day on this section, without it containing a major descent. Arriving in Stainforth, I was 55 minutes behind 2008, and any hope of a 9 hour finish effectively gone. Nevertheless, there was reason for an exercise in 'how close can I get'.

I was briefly unseated again by the severity of the Silverdale climb, but mostly stayed on, successfully avoiding the kamikaze sheep on the drop to Halton Gill. Turning right and over the bridge, the wind was slightly helping so time-trial mode was selected for the mainly downhill 11 miles to the finish. These were completed in 26 minutes, for a final time of 9:12:55.

I'll admit to being satisfied with that, especially given the complaining my legs were doing after the Skeggy ride the week before. It was good to briefly catch up with Karen at the finish, but I'm still mystified how she can possibly get a "Sportive Pass Out" on her wedding anniversary. Chapeau!

As if the day hadn't been eventful enough, the chip shop in Pateley Bridge was shut so we had to drive on, and I experienced a full-on energy bonk on the A1(M) on the way home. Not good!